"She ducked under the surface of the water as if she could hide from the humiliating memory. It didn't work. Drowning youself won't help, she told herself sternly. Now, drowning Will, on the other hand..."
It's about that one thing we go around dreaming about and want. When we get older we understand it won't ever happen and it isn't true, but we still dream and hope for it the rest of our life. And in the end we will die, without it.